Friday, July 25, 2014

10 people/personalities you will find in every console war thread or comment section.

Do you frequent gaming sites and more specifically comment sections of those sites?  If you do you may have come to the point where things seem as though they are rather predictable when it comes to what people are saying.  Especially when the article in question is one of those typical console-war clickbait articles.  The people just seem to always say the same thing.  So, for fun I decided to find 10 people who reappear in every single console-war article that gets written.  Not literally the same person, but rather the same type of person.  Without further delay here we go.  The 10 people you will find in every console war thread or comment section.

First the key is to find a good console-war thread.  So for a good reference I will give you a few:

Gamespot - MS gave Sony a little push in the right direction...
IGNXbox One has monthly updates planned through October.
PolygonDestiny's beta comparison video: PS4 Versus Xbox One.

That should be at least a good start.  You can try to find your own to test my theory if you would like, but I figured I would do a little bit of the work for you and just list out of few.  The key is to find an article talking about something that can have a comparison done between the two.  So stick to things like articles about system updates, apps, multiplatform games or the golden one is system specs.

Alright.  Now that we've got our material to work from lets get started!

#10 - Sony Pony or Xbot guy.
I do not really even have to explain this one, but in just about any post where the two consoles are compared for whatever reason someone is getting called a Sony Pony or an Xbot. When that article comes you can bet this guy will be there.  This guy, being number 10, is pretty much a lock.  It is like putting money on the Yankees to win the world series or Nic Cage to make a bad movie.  It is gonna happen.
#9 -  "Dat" guy.
If you frequent gaming comment sections as I do you know exactly what I am getting at.  I'm talking about Dat Guy.  Dat guy who feels the need to say "Dat [insert dumb insult]."  Example: "Dat Resolution." "Dat FPS" or "Dat cloud power."  The guy always shows up and he is always painfully annoying, but alas--he is always there.  He uses the phrase because he saw it once and due to a lack of originality he latched on to it and has been using it ever since.  It is essentially the spiritual successor to the /facepalm guy who has been in hiding, except in rare cases, in recent years.  I cannot way until Dat Guy goes away.
#8 - Bias/Paid by Guy
Good press for a product can only mean one of two things.  Either the entire site is bias and in the bag for [insert company] or the site is being paid for good press by [insert company].  There can be no other explanation.  Why would a company write about the positive aspects of a console?  It makes so sense.  Next thing you know the site will be covering the good and the bad things.  Why would that happen in a world?!  Rest assured when they cover bad aspects of one the other guy will make the same claim.  They are always out there just waiting to point out the sites bias. 
#7 - You're a fanboy Guy
Not hard to understand who this annoying person is.  You could probably guess just from the name.  This guy makes sure to point out who the fanboy members of the site are.  If you say even one thing supporting either Sony, Nintendo, Microsoft, Apple, Android, Ford or Chevy they will make sure you know that you are a fanboy.
#6 - Shitty analogy guy.
This guy is like standing in line at the movie theater and being stuck by a crying baby and having it start raining!  That's right its the guy who feels like making an analogy will help prove his point.  He is the one that equates the specs of Xbox One and PS4 to a Viper and a Mustang.  (Sorry the900number, you were that guy yesterday. :P)  He's not so much annoying as he is a guarantee to show up.  Analogies aren't a bad thing, but bad analogies certainly are.  The Xbox One is not like a horse and the PS4 is not like a bull.  That is a terrible analogy and you Mr. Shitty analogy guy are a terrible commenter.  You are like that guy who walks around around with a Bluetooth in his ear when he is not talking on it!
#5 - PC Mater-race guy.
If PC's are so great and everything is so much better on PC you should be hanging out on a PC article.  The problem is that console gaming is more popular right now and you've not got the same level of exposure on gaming sites as us console guys do.  So you make it a point to come to every console article and point out the fact that your PC has got more power than a lightening bolt within that flashy case of yours.  You sir, I do not like you.
#4 - Unimpressed guy.
You know that guy who is not impressed by anything in the mortal world?  He is able to be found on just about any gaming article as well.  The guy that gives absolutely no credit to the company he dislikes for anything they do.  Xbox One is getting 3D Blueray support?  Well--it should have been in there at launch!  Playstation 4 is getting MP3 supports?  Well his Xbox 360 could do that 6 years ago.  He is not impressed or happy--by anything!  It does not matter what Sony or Microsoft do.  He will never give credit because in his eyes credit is not due.
#3 - Games only guy.
You like that your PS4/WiiU/Xbox One can play DVD's or Blu Ray's?  You love that you can watch Netflix on your console?  Twitch is pretty damn cool to watch isn't it?  This guy could care less because he bought his console to play games and games ONLY.  Not only that, but he makes sure to tell you every damn time he can.  Gaming consoles are supposed to play games.  PERIOD.  That is it.  Phones are supposed to make phone calls and that is where technology should have stopped.  Everything else is just a waste.  I mean why on earth would you want a device to do multiple things?  That is stupid.  Why on earth did they ever invent a phone that could go on the internet!?  That is what computers are for!
#2 - RROD/PSN Hack Guy
Do you know why this guy didn't buy an Xbox One or PS4?  Because 3 years ago or more the console he doesn't like had problem and he has never trusted them since.  This is the guy the claims to have gone through 6 Xbox 360 and all of them died from the RROD fiasco.  Or this is the fool who points out they will never buy a Playstation 4 because the PSN network was hacked back in 2011 and it shows how insecure the PSN is.  Nevermind the fact that both problems have long since been solved.  It doesn't matter.  It is still his/her justification for not buying one console or the other.
#1 - Blatantly insecure guy
This guy is thee worst and just about the most common.  He comes in many forms, but always easily identified because he fights so incredibly hard for such a worthless and fruitless cause.  He makes number one on this list because in reality he is a culmination of every other guy on this list.  He is the only who will pull out all the stops just so he can sit on the other end of his keyboard and feel as though he's "won" the argument.  
He is the Xbox One guy who feels resolution doesn't matter, that PSN is garbage, that the PS4 is a trash system and Sony are just days from going completely bankrupt.  He is convinced that Uncharted, God of War and Killzone are the absolute biggest piece of trash in gaming and that literally every single thing on the Xbox One is done better.
This is the PS4 guy who thinks that resolution and FPS are the only thing that matter.  The guy that thinks 50% more power means the console is absolutely the clear winner on that alone.  The guy who feels Gears of War is crap, Cliff Bleszinki needs to die and Microsoft have ruined Rare games because they have been making Kinect titles.  He is sure to point out ever instance in where Microsoft have moneyhatted a game from him and up until the PS4 was released charging for online play was literally the most evil thing a company could ever do.
All of these guys are sad in their own right.  It is mostly pathetic that people feel the need to bicker about stuff that is so pointless and in the end no one will ever be the clear winner.  No side is going to concede because people like things for different reasons.  If you want to play the most beautiful games in the world you should be playing on PC.   If you want to play some of the most engaging games ever made you cannot go wrong with any game displaying a Naughty Dog logo.  Are you the kind of person who likes shooters, watching TV and listening to music?  Then maybe Xbox One is the right console for you!

There are different reasons for liking different things and people are always going to have differences in opinions.  So when a person such as myself can go and make a list like this pointing out the type of people who exist in every single thread it just goes to show how very pointless the entire thing is.  Even your bickering becomes predictable which mean you're not making any new points.

I do not expect the console-war to come to and end any time soon because people will always argue.  That is as constant as sunrise and sunset.  So until then just enjoy your console of choice for what it is and if you do venture onto a gaming site keep an eye out for the 10 guys you've just read about.  You will see them!  Maybe now you can chuckle at the silliness of it all.


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