Monday, May 19, 2014

The 10 commandments of the console war.

In the decades old console wars that have been going on there have been a number of what I will call rules that have stayed constant the entire time.  Certain aspects of the pointless argument that have always stood the test of time and continue to be the source of console war fodder to this day.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you; The 10 commandments of the console war.

  1. Thou shalt not acknowledge or speak positively of any other console but your own.
  2. Thou shalt not speak oppositions console by given name. The name used must me both stupid and insulting.  (PS3.5, Xbone, Gaycube etc.)
  3. Thou shalt not speak to opposing console owners as though they are human beings.  They have no feelings.  Xbots, Sony Ponies and Nintentards are the preferred names, but feel free to unleash your "creativity" in coming up with an equally stupid and cringe-worthy name.
  4. Thou shall believe no console is superior to your own.  Even if your console isn't.
  5. Thou shall despise all console exclusive games except your own.
  6. Thou shall insist multiplatform games are superior on your console regardless of facts.
  7. Thou shall discredit any source used to provide facts by declaring bias regardless of any actual existence of bias.
  8. Thou shall believe opposing consoles are only out for money.
  9. Thou shall use GIF's liberally.  GIF's say what words cannot.
  10. Thou shall always remember that when it appears all is lost in an argument their mother still is, and always will be, a whore.
Go now my people.  Preach the word of the console.  For their is no better console than your own!  The war rages on and now is no time to give up! Victory is close!  Soon all gamers near and far will realize the error of their ways and bow to you in acceptance that your console of choice is indisputable greatest...

...or some such bullshit. 

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